the 1st code always the hardest????

the title n what i'm going to write has nothing in common or maybe it has...its been a very long time since i wrote journal of me? and the first time to be published for 'others' to read...if any...since i'm 'suspending' my office/lecturing job for 'a whole newww wooorlllld'...so maybe i'll like this..writing here. From Izan's page...she shared a lot of her experiences as a phD student of >1 year...WOW...impressed by her wisdom+strength+etc...and WOW...thinking about my own journey ahead...why i'm doing it? now? here? with that supervisor? and that title??? ARRRRRGH...its so dark now...everything is still so dark and i'm not sure .... so not sure...i have this perfectionism in me and trying to be more optimistic..only one thing for comfort..that God is there for me...that's for sure...and my kiddo n my hubby n of course my not so-balanced-yet-normal-and-still-i-love-them family...i guess this is one of the reason why i said the 1st code is the hardest...in phD journey...no one can give you the answer but yourself...what you really want to do? your scope and objectives? and how are you going to do it?...like what Prof. Jai said during our 1st meeting since i've registered.." human always want it the easiest way..their way...they ask from God but they want God to give them there and then exactly as what they wanted. So who's the real god now? The human or The God???? God gives what he wills and when he wants it and to whom he chooses and in anyway that he wishes...kun fayakun! Astaghfirullah...that is so true and i'm not excluded..."so the moral of the story is ...we strive hard and better, smartly, do our best and pray never-endingly...and God will grant the wishes when its time - and that part is none of our business anymore...

And beside that story...Opot if you ever read this one day...i had a MOS yesterday to take out my right side wisdom tooth. It fully grown inside the gum and knocking the neighbouring tooth and the entire sytem and it hurts on and off so i was advised to pluck it out...i was very terrified and the destist actually asked me..Dr. Gopal Nair...he asked so are you ready physically n mentally and i answered nervously..NO...and he said but you come still...he he he...i think its more terrifying experience than give birth!!! Because its right there in your mouth and you can hear and imagine what they are doing although u can't feel the pain...and last night was terrible because blood mixed with my saliva and some i telan and twice i wake up and throw in the toilet...and this morning my face is like monalisa...improportioned and out of place...keh keh keh..



That's my boy!

I think that is enuff for today...its quite long but..yeah...whho knows when is the next time...lastly for today...anyone if there is..who read this...Pls amin for this prayer...Dear God Ya Rabbul Alamin....I pray to be a good Muslim and Mu'min always always here and herafter and i pray the same for my beloved mother, father, husband and son, and my three brothers, and the rest of my family... I pray for the wellbeing for the ummah of the world. I pray that i'll be capable to take and undergo any circumtances that i will face during my phD and hope there will always be guidance from you. I pray that i will successfully finish it in 3-4 years time.Amiiiin. God Bless.